I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
