Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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