yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
