Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
