um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
