ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
