I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
