Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
