i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize