i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
