What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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