Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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