at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
