Got a toothbrush?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
