If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
