I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
