Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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