I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
