Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
