sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
