Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
