I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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