Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
