Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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