If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
