I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
