come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
