The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
