operation have a gay friend backfired
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
