I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
