i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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