Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
did you just send me my own nude
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
