hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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