I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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