This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
