Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
