Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
