Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The air was thick with penises
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
