Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
