I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
