is your mom at the bar?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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