Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
