Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
