Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
