He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
