Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How external is "for external use only"?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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