Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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