That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
