I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
