Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im six kinds of drunk right now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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