this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
