and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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