I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
