If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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