i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
