they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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