wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
