Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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