A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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