I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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