i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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