dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
