She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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