I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
