i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
