is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
