i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
