Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
