How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Never underestimate the power of titties
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
