dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
