I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
