My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize