I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
