Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
