So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
