What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
