Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
