I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
