I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
