Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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