so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize