Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
