I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
