They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
