im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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