She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
