I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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