what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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