I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
