I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
