Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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