he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
