New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
