Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
whose parrot is this?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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