Someone shit on the floor
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
