I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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