You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
