He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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