just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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